What Makes a Bully?

Medically reviewed by Shreya Nagula, MD

Bullying is a pervasive issue that affects countless children and adolescents. While much attention is rightly given to the victims, it is equally important to understand the motivations driving the bullies as well.

Contrary to popular belief, bullies often need as much mental health support as their victims. Common underlying issues include:

• Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem: Many bullies struggle with their own insecurities and low self-esteem. By putting others down, they try to elevate their own status and feel a sense of control and power.
• Environmental Influences: Children often mimic behaviors they see at home or in their community. Exposure to aggressive behavior, whether through interpersonal dynamics within the family, the community, or through media, can normalize bullying as an acceptable way to interact with others.
• Peer Pressure and Social Dynamics: The desire to fit in and be accepted by peers can drive children towards bullying. In some social circles, bullying is perceived as the only way to gain popularity or avoid becoming a target themselves.
• Poor Empathy: Some children may not fully understand the impact of their actions on others. This difficulty with empathy can stem from several factors, including developmental stage, a lack of guidance, or challenges with emotional intelligence.
• Seeking Attention: For some, bullying is a way to gain attention, whether from peers, teachers, or parents. Negative attention can sometimes feel better than no attention at all.

Addressing the Issue

Understanding these motivations is the first step in addressing bullying effectively. By recognizing the underlying issues that drive bullying behavior, parents, educators, and communities can develop more targeted interventions. These might include:

• Building Self-Esteem: Programs that focus on building self-worth and confidence can help validate the development of positive behaviors in children.
• Promoting Positive Role Models: Encouraging positive role modeling and mentorship can provide children with healthier ways to interact and resolve conflicts.
• Fostering Empathy: Teaching empathy and emotional intelligence from an early age can help children understand and respect the feelings of others.
• Creating Supportive Environments: Ensuring that children have access to supportive and understanding adults can provide them with the guidance they need to navigate social challenges without resorting to bullying.

Acting to Address Bullying Behavior

• Have the Tough Conversation: Listen without judgement but be clear about the seriousness of bullying.
• Seek Professional Help: Consider family therapy or individual counseling for your child.
• Implement Consistent Consequences: Establish clear rules and follow through calmly and consistently. Don’t make empty threats of consequences that won’t be kept.
• Teach Empathy: Encourage volunteer work or activities that build compassion.
• Monitor and Engage: Stay involved in your child’s social life, both online and offline.
• Model Better Behavior: Children often mimic the conflict resolution styles they see at home.

Catching and addressing bullying behavior early can make a world of difference. If you are concerned about your child’s behavior or emotional health, reach out to school counselors or mental health professionals.

WMCHealth is one of New York State’s largest providers of behavioral health services.  Please visit WMCHealth.org for a WMCHealth behavioral health service location nearest you.